Knowing The Seven Secrets to Keeping Your Marriage Happy and Successful ......
Means Never Having to Learn 'How to Save My Marriage'!
Research indicates that to make a marriage last, couples must:
- Become better friends
- Learn to manage conflict
- Create a way to support each others dreams.
So if you want to learn 'how to save my marriage', then as part of your saving my marriageprogram, you will have to learn, individually or as a couple, how to successfully make these happen in your marriage.
In saving my marriage, you don't need 'fancy marriage therapy,' although assistance does help. The important components of the program and the areas of development for your marriage as you go about learning 'how to save my marriage' are:
- Building and Enhancing Your Love Maps
How well do you really know your partner, their inner psychological world, fears, worries, stresses, joys and dreams? Often during conflicts in a marriage and overtime these Love Maps get negatively re-written. This process has to be reversed and the original Love Maps rebuilt, cherished and enhanced.
- Building and Increasing Shared Fondness and Admiration
An antidote for all the contempt and necessary defensiveness that arises during destructive conflicts (See my article on the destructive four horseman) is to learn to increase the level of 'positive sentiment' in the marriage by developing affection and respect within the marriage. This requires both parties to strengthen fondness and admiration and express appreciation and respect of one another.
- Learning to Turn Towards Each Other
Not away, by leveling criticism and entering discussions via 'harsh startups'.
The small moments of everyday life in a relationship is what is important to keeping a marraige alive. Turn towards your partner during these moments and use them as the building blocks for enhancing the relationship.
- Building a Positive Perspective: Maintaining Levels of Position Emotion and Effect
Maintaining and circulating a positive effective within the marriage by complementing, recognizing and thanking your partner during discussions and problem solving will bring about successful repair attempts and healing to your marriage. Research shows that successful and happy marriages exchange positive to negative exchanges in a ratio of 20:1; whereas unsuccessful ones can only manage a 5:1 ratio.
- Managing Conflict
The most surprising thing to emerge from research is that successful marriages don't eliminate conflict nor solve all the problems in their marriages. in actual fact, more than 60% of their problems remain unsolved almost through the lifetime of their marriage. what they do effectively however, is to manage the conflict in the relationship.
They focus on the solvable problems in the reelationship and do not allow the unsolvable ones. They gain an understanding of the difference between the perpetual and solvable problems and develop effective ways to handle them. So to repair your marriage you need to understand how to manage the conflict that certain problems and differences generate, but not eliminate the conflict.
- Making Life Dreams Come True
Create an atmosphere that encourages you and your partner to talk honestly about your dreams, values, convictions and aspirations. Try to understand how you can help your partner achieve these or what they need to do for themselves. This is what gives couples hope and allows them to bring fresh energy into the marriage. It is not so important that they have to be compromised upon, modified or even delayed, but it is very necessary for the marriage and partners to visualize their future and not always be living in the past and talking about what you used to do.
- Creating Shared Memories
Finally, we come to the attic, where the most important dreams, narratives (stories about ourselves, things we have done together and how other family members have created dreams for our marriage) and metaphors and symbols for our relationship, marriage and family find a home
Achieving these outcomes for your marriage and taking the necessary steps to save my marriage requires a program and constant activity to make it grow. You can do some of it by yourself, much like in the movie "Fireproof", but it is not easy doing it alone.
It is much better if your spouse is part of the process. You can have a look at the components of the type of programyou need to assist you with your planning at this page on this website or take a look at the resources at save my marriage today to help in working out how to save my marriage.
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